Touche

Getting humbled, one way or another

Single Christians to Cat Ladies March 26, 2010

Filed under: Pithy attempts at humor — sarahallen24 @ 6:37 pm

Being a single Christian…the humor of it all

It is assumed that college graduation and marriage go hand-in-hand. In fact, the MRS. degree still exists in some parts of the country. I thought that was over after that whole bra-burning era but I guess not. Even now, as young freshman girls enter college, they envision saving money by having their wedding reception and graduation party together.

Upon graduation, the still single Christian sets their sights on the next deadline.

Age 30.

Popular opinion seems to believe that you turn into a pumpkin at midnight on your 30th birthday if unmarried. There’s a loophole though but only if you were born a man. Christian men can sneak by a little longer as “bachelors” while Christian women face life as potential cat ladies and long hours of scrapbooking.

Single people in church are either 1) pitied or 2) envied. It just depends on the perspective.

Pity

For my non-Christian friends; there are groups at many churches for “Christian singles”. Typically there are two easy requirements for involvement: 1) be single and 2) over 30. Again with that number! I’ve never been, because I haven’t hit the year of doom yet, but from the outside looking in…it’s seems to be a place of never-ending bowling nights, Scrabble, and/or a support group for those “going it alone.” Yikes.

Sometimes married friends will attempt a pep-talk out of the blue. This includes statements like, “I have no idea why you aren’t married yet. You’re so great!” And, “There’s one out there. It just happens when you aren’t paying attention.”

You’ll also find that friends will shamelessly announce your attributes to others:

This is _____. She has a great job… and she’s really active… and she feeds poor people… and returns lost kittens…and cooks like Julia Child…and fights injustice in Malaysian sweat shops.

Other people try to fix you up without paying any attention to your personality or interests…

This is Jon.

He’s here at church so he must be awesome.

And he’s breathing.

So you guys must have a lot in common! Go forth and multiply!

Envy

Married friends of the single Christian tend to view your life as one big party. Especially if they have kids. It’s their assumption that you take endless road trips, sleep, go shopping with no regard to budget, and never have to clean up “accidents.”

Actually, this one is almost completely true.

Married people also tend to believe that single people have nothing but free time. Maybe they got the impression from the show Friends…single friends sitting around at the coffee shop, watching TV, and shooting the breeze.

But most of us single gals have a lot of work to do….what with all the cats running around.

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6 Responses to “Single Christians to Cat Ladies”

  1. bri Says:

    just wanted to say, you are hilarious…..it’s embarrassing when I realize how hard I am laughing…by myself… at your posts. hope you are doing well!

  2. Oh, man. Have you got the perspective down or what?! So true from both points of view! Thanks for the smile! And for the reminder that I don’t get to go on random shopping sprees with no regard to budget. I’d almost forgotten!

  3. Lucee Says:

    I’m pretty sure you have just volunteered to write the forward to my book we discussed… to be written this summer 🙂

  4. Rhonda Says:

    Ha! of course you don’t have endless free time! You’re too busy spending money and going on road trips!

  5. pikapika20 Says:

    O gosh. This post would be hilarious except it scared me so bad (as a Christian lady turning 30 in 4 months). What’s a girl to do?


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